Killing is Allowed

So the other day, I was listening to one of these Radio shows where one could call in. I cannot really remember the topic for the programme but it had to do with stopping the crisis in the Niger Delta.

People were calling in giving their opinions on possible solutions and what the government could do differently. Intelligent valid points were being raised on the reasons for Niger Delta under development and the rise of militancy again in the region. Proposals were being proffered on how to get the militants to put down arms

And then someone called in with a whole new perspective, he said and I quote ‘Niger deltans should stop complaining about Northerners owning more than 90% of the oil blocks,  because the Northerners worked hard for it,; infact they are reaping the fruits of their labour. They had to kill more than 10 million people during the Civil war so they’ve earned it ”

So therein lies my confusion: Is he suggesting that for the Niger Deltans to earn the rights to the oil wells in their land, they have to kill a greater number of people?? So in essence, they should start a war?

Sometimes ehnn, some Nigerians tire me seriously

But I must say that was an eye opener because I never thought of it that way. If you want something, you should be willing to do all it takes including Kill…..
O di egwu.

After all the US of A started a war in Iraq and other places (Nigerians get sense ehnnn), it’s all about the oil.

He raised a valid point.

So my prayer for you this week is that all obstacles towards your goal should fall and die because a certain Pastor even called on God’s wrath against anyone who would speak ill of his varsity’s school fees as it was pre-set by divine law.

So Go Forth and Kill……………
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Disclaimer: This advice is based on an anonymous Nigerian’s reasoning and does not reflect chidisblog beliefs.

Police is your Friend??? #LovelyPeculiaritiesofNigeria

I think this post should have been rightly titled ‘Nigerian Law Enforcement Agents and their abuse of power’. But i’m going to start with the police force. I believe everyone in Nigeria already knows that our Police Force is worse than a joke. The saying goes: ‘Police is your friend’ but in Nigeria i think the right saying should be: Police is your enemy. From delaying travellers for about an hour or more because the “greedy” driver packed enough luggage and refused to Roger; then they decide to conduct a search to be sure there are no contraband items.

The other day, i was in Owerri and we just passed the traffic light after government house and were stopped at a junction when we noticed a traffic policeman  dragging the steering wheel with the driver behind us. It was a minute scuffle that resulted in the car hitting us from behind. So the question was: Who was going to pay for the damage to our car?  The driver or the policeman who was alleging that the driver ran a red light? When the light was at 10 when we passed?  So how do we prove that the policeman was lying?

A friend of mine told me a story of the Nigerian Road Safety guys who were trying to stop a trailer driver who refused and in retaliation, they used a long metal pipe to knock off his side mirror.

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Image gotten from the web

I was amazed. For Christ’s sake, they the FRSC should know the importance of a side mirror especially in a long petrol tanker and they are the ones sending the truck into the highway without a mirror. Are they now putting the lives of road users at risk?

This petrol scarcity has been soo bad that it even brought out the barbaric nature of our beloved Nigerian Army. A friend of mine was at the NNPC filling station to buy fuel. He left his house at 3:30am to join the queue; then at about 11:30 am when he was about 15 cars from the gate, some Army men arrived to buy fuel. They moved straight to the front of the queue and that was when the wahala began. The driver just before the gate refused to give up his space even after threats were issued, then one of them went ahead to break the man’s arm…..

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Photo Credit: google

You read it right….His arm was broken

Sometimes i wonder what it would take to make our Law Enforcement agents law abiding citizens…. I don’t know if i’m the only who dreams of the day i can confidently go to the Police to report a crime i witnessed without the fear that the Police would lock me up and turn me into the criminal.

But if that happens, do you think this country would still feel like Nigeria?? you know the Naija sufferhead ways because me thinks it would remove the Naija making it ajeborized to Nigeria. ‘Winks’

Glossary (For the non Nigerians)

1. Roger: The verb to bribe
2. Wahala: The noun meaning big trouble
3. Ajeborize: The verb to be spoilt and rich. Gotten from the noun ‘ajebutter’ which means someone from the spoilt upperclass.

Abegi, share your law enforcement stories

We all need Re-orientation #MyLeggedesbenzStories

So the other day, I was on my way to a meeting in Okigwe. It was to start at 1pm and I planned getting there at least an hour before the meeting. I had a stellar plan: leave my house by past 8, get to the park by 9, give the bus at most an hour to be full then get to Okigwe latest by 12noon.

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I forgot one important detail: it rained throughout the night before till that morning. You are wondering how this affects my itinerary,  I will explain. From my house, I had to pass through this single carriage road about 3-4km (this road should be at least a dual carriageway holding at least 3cars horizontally (not the narrow Nigerian im giving you a dual carriageway that can barely hold 2 saloon cars) with one of those cars being a heavy truck/trailer) and the traffic congestion on this road is a normal routine. But with the rain, there would be heaps of sand and other stuff contributing to a freer passage (note the sarcasm).

Of course,  Anambra state govt does not deem expansion of the 3-3 road a necessity,  although its the link road to 4 major estates/suburbs in Onitsha, rather we are building 2-3 flyovers in Awka to combat future congestion when the city expands (the capital city takes precedence in the Nigerian thinking). I’m digressing abeg.

Back to my story, that morning the traffic was soo bad that even the traffic controllers (latsma equivalent) were confused. Buses (the one I was in inclusive) were driving on wrong lanes but was I happy. The other passengers were even insulting the private car owners on the other lane who weren’t moving out of our way fast enough. I even cursed the drivers who didn’t allow us to rejoin our lane when we finally blocked oncoming vehicles fully  and rejoiced internally when other passengers started shouting on the driver telling him “you will not just wait a bit, when your car is scratched I will know what you will do, you are struggling for road with buses, Idiot’

I finally got to the park by 9:30am and as I waited for the bus to fill up, I went over the morning’s events and I was ashamed of myself. Because although I didn’t say a word, my silence was a support to the happenings of that morning.  I was in a hurry, yes but who said others who were in that traffic didn’t have more important meetings they were also rushing to.
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Moral of the Story: Sometimes having a Leggedesbenz is useful, because if I’d been driving myself, I would have stuck in that traffic for nothing less than 2 hours and a half