My Trash Neighbour

My neighbour downstairs

I always peep through my window

As I hear the key turn in her door.

She’s your very description of a beautiful lady

Nice clothes,
Nice walk,
Nice everything

But what I like more is her Big trash bag.

The way she holds it, very neatly packaged, colorful and big too.

She throws her trash every Tuesday.

‘Why not Saturday or Monday?’ I always wonder.

I gently close my curtains, as I keep imagining

The fun she must be having all week to accumulate this Big fine, well packaged Trash….

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@Helen Keller😆

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May the bridges I burn…….

Saw this quote on someone’s hoodie and really loved it….

May the bridges I burn light the way

I browsed it further and found the ‘quoter’ to be Dylan Mckay but in my head the quoter still remains Chanyeol’s Sweat hoodie😆😆😆😆😆 (Courtesy of Vêtements)

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If the quote doesn’t mean anything to you, don’t worry; at the right time, you will understand

Mami-Iwota #StoriesFromMyParishPriest

I remember the priest’s story one sunday about a Little girl who was being scared by her friends. They told her that Mami-Iwota was going to deal with her. Regaling her with tales of Mami-Iwota’s horrible treatment of her enemies, they expected her to be scared and start cowering; instead the girl stood up tall and declared she wasn’t afraid of her.

Everyone was shocked, they then started mocking her thinking she didn’t understand the severity of the things Mami-Iwota could do to her,  but the girl replied “I am not afraid of her. Yes, I know she is dangerous but whatever she does to me, once I get hold of Iwota I will do three-fold and she would never mess with me again.”

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Image credit:google

For those who are confused, Mami-Iwota is a siren that lives in water.  But when you translate it literally from Igbo, it means Mother of Iwota. I had heard and used the word Mami-Iwota for 19 years of my life till that day and I never thought of it literally.

I learnt a big lesson that day:

1. There are so many perspectives to whatever it is you think you know already

2. Listen to as many views/opinions no matter how insignificant the speaker is to you, you never know

3. Everyone has something to give, it might seem unbelievable but it’s true

This post was inspired by Obisco’s obsession with Mami-wota. She even has a story series on okadabooks titled Mami-wota made my hair and the hilarious blog post Beyonce bu Mami-wota
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Ciao

What If they all buy Church Bells??

Last time I came back home and heard the loud church bell and choruses, I was like “Shooo!!!

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Image Credit: web

This is quite loud!”
Although I loved the prayers but I still frowned each time I heard the loud bell. Kai! This is environmental noiseturbance.

Now after some months I came back again and the second church had completed their building and you guessed correctly: another bell was installed. This one rings three times louder and the choruses last 15 minutes longer.

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Image Credit: google images

I fear gravely as there are 4 more churches in that area. What would happen if they all have bells and they ring at the same time???

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Credit: web

Or didn’t recession affect bells?

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Image Credit: web

I dunno

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This is a guest Post from our Helen Keller (you read that right, that’s the name she chose).
Would really love to hear your thoughts.

A Hungry Man is a Walking DYNAMITE…… #MyLeggedesbenzStories

Soo the other day, I passed two men fighting in the middle of the road and I remembered an incident that happened last year. I was in a keke going somewhere but not in a hurry when we noticed a crowd by the side of the road. The keke driver stopped to know what was going on. There was a small car and several kekes that were parked at the curb. Then across the road,  two men were having a wrestling match.

This WWE match had one of the wrestlers well dressed in a smartly ironed white shirt that was still partially tucked in and his carton coloured Chinos trouser and fine pair of shoes. While the other (the one who was about to become the next reigning WWE champion – Smackdown), was dressed in a short with a cheap tattered belt holding it to his waist and his clean though old t-shirt with the face of one of the prominent Nigerian singers blazoned both on the front and back.  He was repeatedly lifting the smartly dressed man and throwing him on the floor like they do in the traditional Igbo wrestling. He was also pummelling the smartly dressed man like he was the reason for the obnoxious Naira-dollar exchange rate, it just remained for him to force feed the man with sand

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Photo Credit: http://www.123rf.com

I’d already pointed out that there was a crowd but nobody was making any move to separate the wrestlers. If I had looked closely, I may have noticed the unofficial referee by the side or even the ticket collector for the set match. Each time the man was thrown down, the crowd erupted in cheers, hailing the winner. I would point out at this point that the crowd seemed to made up mostly of not well dressed men (you know they didn’t have that sharp office look, they looked more like congregation of keke drivers and former okada riders).

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Photo Credit : Youtube

On further questioning, we got the correct details: the smartly dressed man was the owner of the small parked car and was hit by the old t-shirt man who was driving a keke. There wasn’t much damage but there was a slightly big dent and scratches on his car. Story had it that he parked and started abusing the keke man who took offense and started abusing him back pointing out that he didn’t damage his yeye car sef, so why couldn’t he just be on his way; it wasn’t even like his car was a Range Rover Sports. At this, the smart man went to cuff him and the wrestling ensued.

Now the interesting thing about the story is that the person who recounted the tale to our driver (also a keke driver) was of the opinion that the t-shirt man should beat up the smart man as (and I quote): ‘These private drivers can be very wicked, someone cannot just scratch their car, even if its egg, just a small scratch and next thing they are asking you to pay for repairs. See the small dent the man made to the small car and the man is making noise, na only him buy car. Mtcheeww’

I wanted to ask him “Someone’s car was dented cos you were in a hurry to pick passengers and you don’t even deem it fit to apologise instead you are supporting the person beating up the victim?  Nsogbu dikwa oh’ but I shut my tongue (pun intended). A fellow passenger threatened our driver and we zoomed off.

And I learnt:

A Hungry Man is a Walking DYNAMITE about to explode; Avoid him at all costs

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Share your angry man stories jare!

I don’t get why some people don’t just get it

So the other day, I was in a bakery shop just a street away from my house to buy half a kilo of flour. On arrival,  there were 2 customers (although they came together) before me  who were being attended to. So I stood patiently by the side waiting. About 2mins later, the sales girl asked me what I wanted. I replied, ‘Half kilo of flour’.  She asked, ‘just it?’ I replied, ‘yes’. And she told me she was coming.

Ten minutes later, I was still waiting as the customers were trying to make up their minds on what they needed as they didn’t have a list.  Actually,  I think they wanted to fry chin chin but they weren’t sure of the ingredients: so they would ask: ‘we will need margarine right?’; the lady responds, ‘yes’. And then they spend the next 3-5 mins trying to choose a particular brand as there were up to 3 different brands. And the cycle would be repeated for the next item they weren’t even sure they would take at the end.

All these while, I stood patiently while the sales girl stood by the other side, and an elderly woman (I’m guessing her grandmother) sat inside the shop just observing us. I kept reminding her of my flour and she would always ask me to wait. At a point, the ladies asked her to pack my flour for me, she didn’t bother responding.

I was mad. Of course,  the shop had the monopoly of being the only bakery shop in the neighbourhood and I’d already wasted about 15mins.  I just turned silently and walked off to the bus stop to enter a keke to another part of town where I was sure I would find flour. And the sales girl didn’t bother calling me back. Even her grandmother.

It’s amazing how these kinds of scenarios happen regularly and I wonder why is it that some people don’t just get it. To sustain a business,  you need customers/clients that return for repeat business,  not one-off transactions.  It doesn’t matter if someone walks in to buy just N20 stuff, never let them leave unhappy because you never know what he might buy on his return visit. Or better yet, the other people in his social network who he will recommend your business to.

I remember a friend of mine who told me of how her sister was being treated shabbily in a boutique as she looked too cheap (I guess), until a customer asked for the owner of the car blocking hers to come move the car and she left, moved her car and came back in to continue her shopping.  That was when she noticed the change in attitude (as they obviously started kissing up her ass when they realized she was the driver of a certain SUV), she was so annoyed that she left the shop and I’m sure she would almost never return there again for whatever reason.

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We need to start getting it seriously! !!!

The class of men that piss me off

So the other day, I was surfing YouTube and someone’s comment made me pause. It goes like this:

There are 3 classes of men: the first class disrespects women and believe women are beneath them and should be treated thus; the second group believe that women are to be put on a pedestal and  be cared for deeply while the last (and this consists of only a few) believe women are to be treated as equals.

You are wondering where am going with this??? It won’t be a while. Prior to my seeing the above comment,  I used to find it difficult to explain why some men piss me off. You know how retarded you sound when you say ‘he is a nice man, quite respectful but I feel slighted by him?’;  The first class are easy to spot and everyone can agree. But the second class? This is where so many men fall into, even those who believe they are for gender equity (ironically & hilariously)

I will give an instance: we all know that caring senior colleague in the office who will always nicely ask you to sit while everyone is standing discussing important matters (i dont see the need for that exemption unless you are pregnant of course or sick) or that caring boss that lets you off every evening by 5:30pm so you can rush home and prepare dinner for your husband while others remain working till maybe 7pm.

Yes, they are being nice men but they already treating you differently because you are female.  Why should you pull in half hours at work? Are you not being paid same salary as the men? If you are not ready to work, you might as well stay at home. For the ladies, you might think you are being done a favour but believe you me, these kind of bosses are the ones who would easily never recommend you for manager or team leader in their skewed belief that you are female, they are the ones most likely to stand in your way of that better job or promotion in their belief that it would take you far away from your family and they are the kind of men that give you subtle trouble if you are their boss.

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My other problem with this 2nd class of men is that most times they are difficult to characterize as most women mistake great care for equal respect. Someone can respect you without believing you are equals. This is why you see some supposedly nice men who believe their wives should do certain house chores (as they are females of course) and still proudly declare in public how they are all for #girl power.

I’m so thankful to the youtubber who I can’t remember the name who finally gave a voice to my thoughts as it was frustrating trying to explain it initially to people giving that we mostly think (erroneously anyways) that there are 2 classes of men: those that disrespect and those that respect women.

Now when I’m asked ‘So what is your problem with nice, respectful and gender-restriction liberated man?’  I simply answer ‘He belongs to Class 2’ Shikena!!

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Ciao