My Trash Neighbour

My neighbour downstairs

I always peep through my window

As I hear the key turn in her door.

She’s your very description of a beautiful lady

Nice clothes,
Nice walk,
Nice everything

But what I like more is her Big trash bag.

The way she holds it, very neatly packaged, colorful and big too.

She throws her trash every Tuesday.

‘Why not Saturday or Monday?’ I always wonder.

I gently close my curtains, as I keep imagining

The fun she must be having all week to accumulate this Big fine, well packaged Trash….

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@Helen Keller๐Ÿ˜†

The Exodus – Animal version

“Won’t you cross over? We are all waiting for your lead, or is the ditch too big?” the Giraffe persuaded the Lion who was supposedly leading all the animals to the promise land, where there  would be food and water.

The Lion remained silent and just stood motionless, looking ahead. Then the Giraffe moved forward grumbling out loud  “Well if I or any other animal cross this ditch before you, that animal would become the next king of the Jungle at the promised Land”.

Everywhere went silent. They looked at each other and back at the Lion. He remained unmoving, seemingly deep in thought.

Then the giraffe swiftly crossed the tiny ditch and turning to the other animals to gloat, the ground shifted suddenly and the giraffe fell into a wider ditch beneath the earth.

The Lion then moved forward, lifted his eyes to the sky roaring “Lords of our Land, accept this Sacrifice and let the rain pour to end this dreadful famine”.

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Image credit:google

And then quietly to himself, “..And let the Grass eating animals eat and fatten up for I can scarcely find meat on their bones”.

Then turning to the other animals he said, “Let’s go back to our Land and wait for the rain, for I am neither Moses nor Pharaoh”.

~ folk tales from Helen Keller ๐Ÿ˜Š

Much Ado about Age

-So how old are you, Ma?
“It’s written in the folder”, she replied.

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I looked down and saw 20 but the woman looked like she was in her thirties.
‘So Ma, you are twenty or is it twenty-one?”
“Nooo, is that what was written?” She asked “I am older than that oh”
Then there was silence, I looked at her waiting for an elaboration but she said nothing.

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I turned back to the folder and saw I read it wrongly, it was written 20+. I turned back to her
“Oh madam, it’s actually twenty plus that was written”
“Of course, I am not twenty. There was a plus there” she responded

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And then silence again even with all my power stares.
“But could you tell me the right twenty something it is?”
“How old am I???” She asked “I was born in ’86 so I should be 31 this year”.

In my mind, I yelled ‘Finally!!! Drum rolls, people!!! ‘

That wasn’t soo difficult, was it??’

God!! Why do women find it difficult to state their age? Even in a hospital??? What’s the biggie biko? What does a lady profit by hiding her age?? Or am I missing something important?

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I don’t understand, maybe someone who does should kindly explain

๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š

Image credits: google and gif.com

Auntie Trouble maker

“What do you mean?” I shouted at the top of my voice.
“How can you tell me that from that junction to this Junction is N70?”
I was still screaming as people gathered to know what wasย  happening; the keke man just opened his mouth staring at me, and didn’t say anything, although he looked like the meanest thug you’veย  ever seen. The people who gathered kept saying “Its OK ma, calm down ma”. I shouted once more, turned and went my lovely way, smiling triumphantly to myself.

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Photo credit: google

You see,ย  I just won the battle that would have turned against me. Our society knows how to make room and excuses for the trouble makers and stubborn headed (In pidgin: those wey no dey hearย  word). They make excuses for them like “Hmmm, don’t mind him that’s how he behaves; everyone knows him, just give him what he wants and go your way and he goes his way etc”.

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Photo credit: facebook comments๐Ÿ˜Š

So most times in this our society, be that trouble maker first, cause that mayhem you very well know someone else will do if you don’t.
You can apologize later, and guess what??ย  You are even loved more then, and more people will seek your attention ๐Ÿ˜Ž

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Image Credit: google

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Sincerely yours,
Hellen Keller๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

May the bridges I burn…….

Saw this quote on someone’s hoodie and really loved it….

May the bridges I burn light the way

I browsed it further and found the ‘quoter’ to be Dylan Mckay but in my head the quoter still remains Chanyeol’s Sweat hoodie๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜† (Courtesy of Vรชtements)

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If the quote doesn’t mean anything to you, don’t worry; at the right time, you will understand

What If they all buy Church Bells??

Last time I came back home and heard the loud church bell and choruses, I was like “Shooo!!!

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Image Credit: web

This is quite loud!”
Although I loved the prayers but I still frowned each time I heard the loud bell. Kai! This is environmental noiseturbance.

Now after some months I came back again and the second church had completed their building and you guessed correctly: another bell was installed. This one rings three times louder and the choruses last 15 minutes longer.

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Image Credit: google images

I fear gravely as there are 4 more churches in that area. What would happen if they all have bells and they ring at the same time???

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Credit: web

Or didn’t recession affect bells?

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Image Credit: web

I dunno

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This is a guest Post from our Helen Keller (you read that right, that’s the name she chose).
Would really love to hear your thoughts.

Basic Driving Rules Pt 2

So last year we went through the 5 basic driving rules in Nigeria see here but i realised i missed some crucial ones. So here are the next 5:

1. Taking calls while driving:

Here, the degree of your being a professional driver is measured by your ability to take calls while driving. We call up loved ones even when we know they are driving because we expect them to be in control.
It seems we don’t understand the gravity of some of our actions

2. Don’t drive while drunk:

I used to think it was don’t drink alcohol and drive; but here i have realized its Dont drive while drunk. You can drive after 6 bottles of alcohol so far you are sober but i thought the whole point was for one to have 100% concentration as  one might not be quite drunk but still be a bit disoriented.
Also, what if one thinks he is still sober while he is tipsy?? Its funny when you drive to a loved one’s house and you are plied bottles after bottles of alcohol even though everyone is aware you are driving back that s

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Photo Credit: iwanthatsign.com

3. Keke has the Right of Way Always:

Yes, it doesn’t matter if they swerve back into the road without indicating, they are the Kings of the road. The road rules do not apply to them so they can indicate that they are going right (trafficate right) while continuing straight and then suddenly turn left. If you are caught unawares and damage your car that’s your fault for not knowing the rules……….๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

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Photo Credit: google

4.Blow your horn in greeting or gratitude:

You’ve been waiting at the junction and finally a car stopped to let you pass; blow your horn in appreciation. You see your neighbour on the opposite side of the road; blow your horn in greeting. You get to the estate gate; blow your horn in greeting to the security men there. In fact, if you feel soo happy; blow your horn in jubilation……..

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Image Credit: web

…..

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5. ………………………………….

Fill in the blanks

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Your thoughts people