Much Ado about Age

-So how old are you, Ma?
“It’s written in the folder”, she replied.

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I looked down and saw 20 but the woman looked like she was in her thirties.
‘So Ma, you are twenty or is it twenty-one?”
“Nooo, is that what was written?” She asked “I am older than that oh”
Then there was silence, I looked at her waiting for an elaboration but she said nothing.

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I turned back to the folder and saw I read it wrongly, it was written 20+. I turned back to her
“Oh madam, it’s actually twenty plus that was written”
“Of course, I am not twenty. There was a plus there” she responded

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And then silence again even with all my power stares.
“But could you tell me the right twenty something it is?”
“How old am I???” She asked “I was born in ’86 so I should be 31 this year”.

In my mind, I yelled ‘Finally!!! Drum rolls, people!!! ‘

That wasn’t soo difficult, was it??’

God!! Why do women find it difficult to state their age? Even in a hospital??? What’s the biggie biko? What does a lady profit by hiding her age?? Or am I missing something important?

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I don’t understand, maybe someone who does should kindly explain

๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š

Image credits: google and gif.com

Auntie Trouble maker

“What do you mean?” I shouted at the top of my voice.
“How can you tell me that from that junction to this Junction is N70?”
I was still screaming as people gathered to know what wasย  happening; the keke man just opened his mouth staring at me, and didn’t say anything, although he looked like the meanest thug you’veย  ever seen. The people who gathered kept saying “Its OK ma, calm down ma”. I shouted once more, turned and went my lovely way, smiling triumphantly to myself.

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Photo credit: google

You see,ย  I just won the battle that would have turned against me. Our society knows how to make room and excuses for the trouble makers and stubborn headed (In pidgin: those wey no dey hearย  word). They make excuses for them like “Hmmm, don’t mind him that’s how he behaves; everyone knows him, just give him what he wants and go your way and he goes his way etc”.

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Photo credit: facebook comments๐Ÿ˜Š

So most times in this our society, be that trouble maker first, cause that mayhem you very well know someone else will do if you don’t.
You can apologize later, and guess what??ย  You are even loved more then, and more people will seek your attention ๐Ÿ˜Ž

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Image Credit: google

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Sincerely yours,
Hellen Keller๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

The Church Bells 2 (Dec 31st)

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Everywhere went black! NEPA had done it again!!

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Image Credit: web

It’s like they always have the perfect timing, sometimes I wonder if these PHCN workers are witches: you know the way they almost always accurately guess when that tv program or movie is about to reach a climax?? And then Vaamm…… the light goes off.

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It’s uncanny.

I listened carefully but all I heard were shouts of joy and jubilation as people welcomed the new year. I looked out to the church tower – nothing. People put on their generators and the whole street was coming back to life with people blaring loud music, the churches were not left behind in the noise pollution.

I thought back to the last events and wondered if perhaps I fell asleep.. I was about to close the curtain when I saw it – ‘A man was unzipping his trousers to urinate in the gutter behind the bar; a black shape crept up behind him, gave him a push while merging with him and they fell into the gutter’.

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Image Credit: google

At this point, I lost consciousness…..
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Happy birthday Adaezenwa๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽŠ. Hope you finally publish a book this new year

Duhhh!!! #MovieStupids

….Almost at the end of ย the movie, the other woman came to apologise to her friend for coming in between her and the husband, and she said….’I promise, it would never, ever happen again..’

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Image credit:google

And to that i said (in my mind), “Duh!!! Before nko!!!! the movie is about to end…”

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Ciao…..

May the bridges I burn…….

Saw this quote on someone’s hoodie and really loved it….

May the bridges I burn light the way

I browsed it further and found the ‘quoter’ to be Dylan Mckay but in my head the quoter still remains Chanyeol’s Sweat hoodie๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜† (Courtesy of Vรชtements)

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If the quote doesn’t mean anything to you, don’t worry; at the right time, you will understand

Behind every Successful Woman….

I was at a wedding on Saturday and the M.C really gave some making sense jokes, but one stuck and has been disturbing me since…….

Behind every successful man is a woman;
And behind every successful woman is an exhausted man.

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Image Credit: google

It was funny really but you know the Igbos say: Na njakili na-ekwu ezigbo (In teasing, the truth is spoken albeit humorously).

And that goes to show where we are as a society, the values we place on female achievements. It explains why ladies usually earn lower incomes than men, why ladies rarely own big businesses.

Because at the end of the day, it is these little things that shape our thoughts, shape our activities and ultimately shape our lives.

And it is saddening, because I have seen many women with amazing ideas that are never pursued.

Mami-Iwota #StoriesFromMyParishPriest

I remember the priest’s story one sunday about a Little girl who was being scared by her friends. They told her that Mami-Iwota was going to deal with her. Regaling her with tales of Mami-Iwota’s horrible treatment of her enemies, they expected her to be scared and start cowering; instead the girl stood up tall and declared she wasn’t afraid of her.

Everyone was shocked, they then started mocking her thinking she didn’t understand the severity of the things Mami-Iwota could do to her,ย  but the girl replied “I am not afraid of her. Yes, I know she is dangerous but whatever she does to me, once I get hold of Iwota I will do three-fold and she would never mess with me again.”

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Image credit:google

For those who are confused, Mami-Iwota is a siren that lives in water.ย  But when you translate it literally from Igbo, it means Mother of Iwota. I had heard and used the word Mami-Iwota for 19 years of my life till that day and I never thought of it literally.

I learnt a big lesson that day:

1. There are so many perspectives to whatever it is you think you know already

2. Listen to as many views/opinions no matter how insignificant the speaker is to you, you never know

3. Everyone has something to give, it might seem unbelievable but it’s true

This post was inspired by Obisco’s obsession with Mami-wota. She even has a story series on okadabooks titled Mami-wota made my hair and the hilarious blog post Beyonce bu Mami-wota
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Ciao