My Trash Neighbour

My neighbour downstairs

I always peep through my window

As I hear the key turn in her door.

She’s your very description of a beautiful lady

Nice clothes,
Nice walk,
Nice everything

But what I like more is her Big trash bag.

The way she holds it, very neatly packaged, colorful and big too.

She throws her trash every Tuesday.

‘Why not Saturday or Monday?’ I always wonder.

I gently close my curtains, as I keep imagining

The fun she must be having all week to accumulate this Big fine, well packaged Trash….

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@Helen Keller😆

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The Door!! Who goes in First? #LovelyPeculiaritiesofNigeria

It was 3:35pm. She greets the Security at the  bank entrance and wait patiently for the two ladies who were before her to enter the banking hall. As she found herself in front of the door waiting for the light to turn green, this elderly man walks up to the door, greets the Security and places himself between her and the door.

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Huh???

“Good day Sir” She said. He didn’t respond but shifted slightly to the side. The light turned green and the security pressed the ‘open’ button and they waited for the door to open. She continued boring holes into his side that he looked up at her after a while.

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And she gave him the “you really mean to say you didn’t notice me standing here” look.

The door opened and she waited for him to make the first move, he was blocking her path after all. She’d already shaped her mouth to tell him immediately he took the first step forward that it was her turn so he should come out and wait; and she was ready to cause a scene.

It was like he could read minds because he moved aside and waved for her to go in. And into the banking hall she went without a backwards glance.

Nigerians should learn not to jump queues especially older adults who feel they have more important things to do with their time unlike young people. If you are in a hurry, explain to the people who came before you nicely and most people would make way for you.

Not to come and be forming sharp guy.

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Smmmh

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Ciao

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Image Credits: google images and onehallyu gifs

Basic Driving Rules Pt 2

So last year we went through the 5 basic driving rules in Nigeria see here but i realised i missed some crucial ones. So here are the next 5:

1. Taking calls while driving:

Here, the degree of your being a professional driver is measured by your ability to take calls while driving. We call up loved ones even when we know they are driving because we expect them to be in control.
It seems we don’t understand the gravity of some of our actions

2. Don’t drive while drunk:

I used to think it was don’t drink alcohol and drive; but here i have realized its Dont drive while drunk. You can drive after 6 bottles of alcohol so far you are sober but i thought the whole point was for one to have 100% concentration as  one might not be quite drunk but still be a bit disoriented.
Also, what if one thinks he is still sober while he is tipsy?? Its funny when you drive to a loved one’s house and you are plied bottles after bottles of alcohol even though everyone is aware you are driving back that s

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Photo Credit: iwanthatsign.com

3. Keke has the Right of Way Always:

Yes, it doesn’t matter if they swerve back into the road without indicating, they are the Kings of the road. The road rules do not apply to them so they can indicate that they are going right (trafficate right) while continuing straight and then suddenly turn left. If you are caught unawares and damage your car that’s your fault for not knowing the rules……….😅😅

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Photo Credit: google

4.Blow your horn in greeting or gratitude:

You’ve been waiting at the junction and finally a car stopped to let you pass; blow your horn in appreciation. You see your neighbour on the opposite side of the road; blow your horn in greeting. You get to the estate gate; blow your horn in greeting to the security men there. In fact, if you feel soo happy; blow your horn in jubilation……..

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Image Credit: web

…..

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5. ………………………………….

Fill in the blanks

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Your thoughts people

Bribery is the easier way out #LovelyPeculiaritiesofNigeria

So before all you nation builders descend on me, can we take a moment to truly examine the Nigerian situation. It’s terrible to admit but that’s just the fact. And before some people go on a holy rant about the sin of bribery and corruption(we pray against it in my church daily towards the end of mass), i think that what we need to address foremost is not the act itself but causes leading up to the act.

A friend of mine packed into a flat only to get an electricity of N10,000 the next month. Mind you, he never had light between 6pm – 11pm throughout said month; not that there was steady light at other times but i just wanted to emphasize the ‘never’ for those hours households use electricity the most. He asked his neighbours and he was informed that was the latest development from PHCN and the best part was that the bill was an estimate (because obviously they were unmetred). He asked his landlord why there was no metre and he was informed that all attempts to get PHCN to procure and install had been to no avail.

He stormed to PHCN office where he was referred to his marketer who wasn’t on seat but he called her up and immediately he mentioned his house address, the lady confirmed that the landlord had been to their office severally in hopes of getting metres installed. He then asked the lady how the bill came to be as there were no records of power used and he was informed they had a standard estimate for everyone based on their location, after all the BQ in the compound was charged the same amount (I guess that was supposed to be consoling). Meanwhile another unmetred flat on the same street was billed N4,500.

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Go Figure....

He was advised to find something for the boys.

Now from an economic point of view, is it not better to give the woman N3000 once and have your monthly bill slashed to N4,500 or even N3,500 depending on their mood?

Don’t get me started on immigration people, would you rather wait in line for a week than pay double the official rate and get your passport that same day or the next if you can afford that?

Or is it the FRSC and their laughable excuse at a driving test. I remember someone being asked to go from Onitsha to Awka to do a driving test. Then come back to the FRSC Onitsha with the results for the drivers license. Seriously!!!!! And you expect me not to roger someone?

It’s quite unfortunate but it is the truth. Bribery actually gets things done here and fast that sometimes i find it difficult envisioning a Nigeria free of corruption.

But we cannot give up hope. I remember when we used to line up (pushing and shoving) to pay electricity bills before the advent of Pre-paid metre. Then one even had to bribe someone if you were in a hurry. So there are some changes albeit minute

Fulani Herdsmen? Abi na Fulani Assasins

The fulani herdsmen attacking innocent villagers in Nigeria is nothing new. The Agatu massacre has been reported over and over yet the Director of Defense Interview said in an interview that new killings were yet to be reported to them. Is this supposed to be a military joke? A whole local government area has been invaded while the Army and Police stand watch leaving the villagers as Refugees and the President is still investigating the matter? I’m taking this personal cos a friend had told me of his family’s escapade in the hands of these herdsmen.

Yesterday i just heard of these Fulani herdsmen invading  Uzo-uwani in Enugu state and the villagers fighting back as their wives and daughters were kidnapped but instead of the security forces protecting the villagers (the owners of the land), they were taken away and locked up while the invaders remain at large. Meanwhile the state Governor is still looking into the matter. What rubbish? The most annoying part of the whole story was that there was already a leaked rumour about the attack and a stakeholders meeting was called where the Fulani leaders assured the community of bringing their herdsmen under control, the state government was also informed of the pending attack yet no security measures were put in place.

So many villages from the North central to the southwest has been attacked yet the Federal government is yet to do anything about the matter. One should note that the excuse  the herdsmen give for attacking communities is that their cows were missing/stolen. Is that enough reason to go on a killing spree?  Other reasons include that some of them were also killed. How does one confirm the story? And how come they never go to report to the police? Are they now above the law?

Another fact from this whole saga is how in the pictures, the herdsmen are seen carrying guns. Please when were they given authorisation to carry guns? What is a herdsman doing with an AK-47 please? If you are welcomed into a foreign land why don’t you go back to wherever it is you came from? Is it by force to allow someone graze their cattle on one’s land?

And the joke of the century is that whenever there is a face-off between a community and these Fulani herdsmen, the politicians and Police always asks us the citizens not to turn a national issue into a tribal/ethnic one.

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Excuse me?? Its already tribal and we are not the ones who made it so, the Fulani herdsmen did. How come they are yet to invade a Fulani village?(Or maybe i don’t understand how a Fulani village works but who cares?)

Will you also run from someone who attacks you in your own home? How can our Security Forces and politicians ask villagers not to fan the flames when they are already being attacked? Last time i checked, you have the right to self-defense. Our dearest President was quick to sympathize with the Paris attacks but he cannot see that what we have here is worse than that; as our government has, by its silence given a nod of approval to these Fulani herdsmen to continue with their Genocide.

Another aspect that annoys me is when our Defense friends (Police & Army) instead of rounding up these herdsmen and arresting them have the guts to tell Nigerians that they are speaking/negotiating with the owners of the cattle to call off their boys.

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Image Credit:web

Even if its the President calling back our Army from peace keeping mission. I can’t over state my disappointment in this present adminstration in all these happenings. I wonder by the time we recover all the looted/stolen funds from past politicians/govt officials if na cattle, fulani herdsmen and boko haram members that will remain as citizens in our rural areas.

Just saying…..
I’m curious: If herdsmen were to occupy the land close to your house and you see them carrying all types of guns, would you or would you not presume that you would soon be a victim of an attack??

The Ocholi’s family accident and my Incredulity @FRSC report

So even toddlers have heard about the unfortunate fatal road accident. I have tried very hard not to make any comment , having listened to some people’s accounts of the accident, the  cause and the goodness and niceness of the dead minister himself. But listening to a radio broadcast on radio nigeria today was the final straw and i just have to talk.

Now the first time i heard about the accident, like all normal Nigerians i thought: they must have been speeding as usual….. These siren blowing government officials. But as i read the news further, it was revealed that they had a burst tyre. That in itself is a tragedy but the question is: even with a speeding car, is a burst tyre enough to kill the occupants of a Lexusaà570 SUV. Lets not forget that this car has a high safety index. So i decided to wait for FRSC and the police to investigate, expecting some basic questions to be answered. You know there’s a difference between cause of crash, cause of death and mechanism of death. Example: were their seatbelts on? Its sounds quite simple but it can be the difference between life and death.

I know we are all Nigerians so everyone is going to think first of all the jealous relatives and associates who have gone to do jazz for the man. But that aside, i was waiting for the report only to hear on the radio today that FRSC had finished investigations and that the Ocholi’s driver is going to be prosecuted for over-speeding and not having a valid driver’s license.
Just the driver alone????

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Like are u guys for real???

Of couse, we all knew they were speeding but i was waiting for detailed report that would state clearly: 1) Probable speed they were travelling at?? Was it over 200km/hr or more or less?  2)Why would a  Lexus570 SUV suddenly have a burst tyre? Is it that the tyres have not been changed for a while or do we need to call Toyota for compensation or is it that the car was not brand new??  3)Were the Ocholi’s not without seatbealts? (I know we Nigerians have this notion that the sealtbelts are for only those who are seated at the front seats, probably because they are the only ones FRSC disturb but Newsflash Nigerians: everyone in a moving vehicle needs to have his seatbelt on, thats why they were put in the car. 4) Was there foul play in the tyre burst? Which basically begs the question: is this now homicide?? And certainly not heaping the blame on the driver alone.

Anyway, back to the reason for this post: this morning the newscaster said the driver was being held responsible for overspeeding. And my question is: Why would an employer not be aware that his driver is not licensed to drive?Will any driver overspeed without the express permission of his employer??  Do not forget that said employer was in the car so it is only reasonable to assume that the employer asked the driver to overspeed. So he was only doing his job. It amazes me the speed of these so called government officials sometimes as i’m aware most drivers in this country did not receive any training apart from the streets, the driving test of the FRSC is a joke in itself, the roads are in a deplorable state but you will still see someone doing a 190km/hr , feeling like a Formula 1 driver because his car blares sirens.

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Mr Ocholi is gone but this should serve as a wakeup call for all. We need sanity in the Nigerian system (or is there a system sef?). And I don’t get why the driver is being made into a scapegoat while late Ocholi is being painted as an angel. After all, if he had his seat belt on, he would probably be fighting for his life at the hospital right now instead of being ejected from the car during the somersault. If they weren’t speeding, they would all probably be alive today.

P.S: One of these our so called politicians asked for Ocholi to be immortalised and I asked “For what exactly? Or maybe it’s for being the first Siren blowing Speeding Nigerian to die in a car crash?”  Sometimes I wonder if one of the requirements for becoming a politician is having some part of reasoning brain matter(cerebrum) removed.

Anyway, drive safely everyone. Overspeeding kills. You not only endanger yourself but the lives of other innocent road users. Use your seatbelts everyone even if you are seated at the back. Always do regular and daily checkups on your car. And lastly, educate everyone on safe Road Use Policies

Everyone should read the Nigerian Highway code at least once. Its available at all FRSC offices nationwide

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