Cure for an Addiction

Cure for an Obsession…
Get another one.

                                        Mason Cooley

Happy Easter everyone

Advertisements

Much Ado about Age

-So how old are you, Ma?
“It’s written in the folder”, she replied.

image

I looked down and saw 20 but the woman looked like she was in her thirties.
‘So Ma, you are twenty or is it twenty-one?”
“Nooo, is that what was written?” She asked “I am older than that oh”
Then there was silence, I looked at her waiting for an elaboration but she said nothing.

image

I turned back to the folder and saw I read it wrongly, it was written 20+. I turned back to her
“Oh madam, it’s actually twenty plus that was written”
“Of course, I am not twenty. There was a plus there” she responded

image

And then silence again even with all my power stares.
“But could you tell me the right twenty something it is?”
“How old am I???” She asked “I was born in ’86 so I should be 31 this year”.

In my mind, I yelled ‘Finally!!! Drum rolls, people!!! ‘

That wasn’t soo difficult, was it??’

God!! Why do women find it difficult to state their age? Even in a hospital??? What’s the biggie biko? What does a lady profit by hiding her age?? Or am I missing something important?

image

I don’t understand, maybe someone who does should kindly explain

πŸ˜˜πŸ˜™πŸ˜šπŸ˜š

Image credits: google and gif.com

Duhhh!!! #MovieStupids

….Almost at the end of Β the movie, the other woman came to apologise to her friend for coming in between her and the husband, and she said….’I promise, it would never, ever happen again..’

image
Image credit:google

And to that i said (in my mind), “Duh!!! Before nko!!!! the movie is about to end…”

.
.
.
.
Ciao…..

Behind every Successful Woman….

I was at a wedding on Saturday and the M.C really gave some making sense jokes, but one stuck and has been disturbing me since…….

Behind every successful man is a woman;
And behind every successful woman is an exhausted man.

image
Image Credit: google

It was funny really but you know the Igbos say: Na njakili na-ekwu ezigbo (In teasing, the truth is spoken albeit humorously).

And that goes to show where we are as a society, the values we place on female achievements. It explains why ladies usually earn lower incomes than men, why ladies rarely own big businesses.

Because at the end of the day, it is these little things that shape our thoughts, shape our activities and ultimately shape our lives.

And it is saddening, because I have seen many women with amazing ideas that are never pursued.

Killing is Allowed

So the other day, I was listening to one of these Radio shows where one could call in. I cannot really remember the topic for the programme but it had to do with stopping the crisis in the Niger Delta.

People were calling in giving their opinions on possible solutions and what the government could do differently. Intelligent valid points were being raised on the reasons for Niger Delta under development and the rise of militancy again in the region. Proposals were being proffered on how to get the militants to put down arms

And then someone called in with a whole new perspective, he said and I quote ‘Niger deltans should stop complaining about Northerners owning more than 90% of the oil blocks,Β  because the Northerners worked hard for it,; infact they are reaping the fruits of their labour. They had to kill more than 10 million people during the Civil war so they’ve earned it ”

So therein lies my confusion: Is he suggesting that for the Niger Deltans to earn the rights to the oil wells in their land, they have to kill a greater number of people?? So in essence, they should start a war?

Sometimes ehnn, some Nigerians tire me seriously

But I must say that was an eye opener because I never thought of it that way. If you want something, you should be willing to do all it takes including Kill…..
O di egwu.

After all the US of A started a war in Iraq and other places (Nigerians get sense ehnnn), it’s all about the oil.

He raised a valid point.

So my prayer for you this week is that all obstacles towards your goal should fall and die because a certain Pastor even called on God’s wrath against anyone who would speak ill of his varsity’s school fees as it was pre-set by divine law.

So Go Forth and Kill……………
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Disclaimer: This advice is based on an anonymous Nigerian’s reasoning and does not reflect chidisblog beliefs.

What If they all buy Church Bells??

Last time I came back home and heard the loud church bell and choruses, I was like “Shooo!!!

image
Image Credit: web

This is quite loud!”
Although I loved the prayers but I still frowned each time I heard the loud bell. Kai! This is environmental noiseturbance.

Now after some months I came back again and the second church had completed their building and you guessed correctly: another bell was installed. This one rings three times louder and the choruses last 15 minutes longer.

image
Image Credit: google images

I fear gravely as there are 4 more churches in that area. What would happen if they all have bells and they ring at the same time???

image
Credit: web

Or didn’t recession affect bells?

image
Image Credit: web

I dunno

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
This is a guest Post from our Helen Keller (you read that right, that’s the name she chose).
Would really love to hear your thoughts.

The Church Kills!!!! Literally

She met her looking depressed in her shop like someone whose husband left her. She asked for a loaf of bread and three eggs but she looked so distracted that she had to repeat her request. Then she sighed and said ‘Hei!!! So this is how fickle a human life is?’ She asked what happened and was told that Mama Ekene their neighbour died in childbirth.

She opened her mouth wide and shouted theatrically ‘Gini?’ When? How?’ And that was she got the full story…… Mama Ekene was pregnant with her third child. Towards the 9th month she was informed of a complication and was advised to go for a caesaraen section. She didn’t believe that a strong christian prayer warrior like her could not deliver vaginally like the Hebrew women as promised by God in the Bible.Β  So she went to her pastor who promised her divine delivery and they commenced special prayers for divine favour. Labour started and she went to the church where she started bleeding but they were promised a miracle so the prayers continued; she finally delivered a live baby but was bleeding profusely and the placenta was stuck plus she was getting so weak.

Then the pastor asked that she be taken to a hospital. She died in traffic en route to a hospital.

“Chineke nna!!” She shouted. “But I thought Mama Ekene was a bit literate, how could she do such a foolish thing? Who risks their life on a Pastor’s prophesy?”

She looked at her sadly, shook her head , sighed deeply and answered “Many do. Have u forgotten the case of Papa Ngozi who lost consciousness and the pastor and his prayer warriors prayed for almost 4 hours before the man was taken to the hospital dead?”

She sighed in a defeat and said “We need to start arresting these men of God. This is murder. Why is no one talking? And they are the first in the hospital when their own family have even simple headache. Hmmmm!! O di egwu. Let me go and prepare breakfast for the kids first.”

.
.
.
.
Happy Birthday Miss RedπŸŽΆπŸŽΌπŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰πŸŽŠπŸŽŠ. You are really one of a kind. Sorry it’s a depressing post but has been in my head for a while. Hopefully the next one would be fun

image
Image Credit: google

On a lighter note, what popular superhero comes to your mind once you glimpse this picture? Don’t go staring soo hard joor….