Umu eko want to guy nwa Aba #MyLeggedesbenzStories

So the other day, i was on my way to work in my Leggedesbenz as usual. I drove out to the bus stop where I boarded a keke (does one board keke or enter keke sef?). I sat at the back with 2 other guys. Then I thought to myself; this one I enter this rickety keke with these 3 men this morning sef?

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Next thing,  the other passenger asked the driver to stop as he had reached his destination.  I got down, allowing him to alight. I got in and went back to my phone.  Few seconds later I realised the keke had stopped and the driver was talking to us (me and the other passenger). He showed the money the guy that left gave him; instead of 50 naira it was one strange currency.  In my mind, I wondered why he was gistin me biko! But I was also surprised at his reaction,  almost all the keke men I have met in Umuahia are usually unnecessarily aggressive.  I even highfived the keke driver in my mind, although I didn’t join in the conversation.  The other passenger advised the keke driver to stop the guy (as he was still walking along the road in front of us), return the money and ask the man to give him his N50.

So we drove and stopped in front of the guy and the driver said ‘Lekwa ego I nyere m, ihe I ga-enye m bu N50’ (see the money you gave me, your fare is N50) while showing him the currency.  The man then replied that he doesn’t understand Igbo. The driver repeated himself in English at which point the man brought out another foreign currency and gave him. When he told the man that yhe money still wasn’t N50, the man said he didn’t have any local currency that he was a foreigner. The driver asked him where he was from, the man said Ghana and that he just entered the country.  So my driver advised him to find somewhere to change his ghanain cedis.

I was getting irritated, cursing and binding the kind ekwensu that brought the man out that early morning as we were wasting precious time and I was almost late for work while still pressing my phone when the driver turned to me and said ‘sister, what do you say?’

I was like “What? Did anyone talk to me?”(all in my mind cos I’d tuned them out) but I just looked askance at the driver. That was when he told me that they (he & the other passenger) wanted to do their christian duty by taking the man to the bank and if I would be soo kind as to allow him to drop the man at the bank first before going to my destination.

I didn’t even dignify that statement with a response.
Christian duty kwa!!  Hia!!!  I just alighted from the keke and stopped another one without a backward glance. Inside me, I was fuming that these small Umuahia boys had the guts to think I look like potential ‘419’ material. 

Thunder fire them 20 times!!!!!!!

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Hwaiting your own stories.
Ciao

GLOSSARY
LEGGEDESBENZ: A type of vehicle that utilises one’s two legs as tyres and one’s energy as fuel.
EKWENSU: Devil

Reference
Nwa Aba by Ruff Coin

Oya! Move back!! Na me get that plank!!! #MyLeggedesbenzStories

So the other day, I was at the popular UpperIweka in Onitsha at about 7:30 pm cruising in my Leggedesbenz. I was about to cross to the other side of the road to continue my journey when i heard a ruckus. Initially I didn’t care till I noticed what it was all about.

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There was this drainage (gutter) in between the two lanes I wanted to get across.  You know those massive ones you can’t jump across unless you are either at least 6 ft tall or a jumper.
But good enough, someone had placed a narrow plank across that could only allow human traffic in one direction only. Therein lay the problem!!!

There was a crowd on my own side of the road because the people on the other side kept up a steady one way traffic on the plank without considering the people on the other side. It got soo bad that the crowd on my own side got angry and started shouting at the few people remaining on the other side to hold on for a while and allow them pass to no avail.
And that was when the main drama unfolded!!

As pleading did not work, they decided to take another route. So they forcefully made their way onto the plank and started their victory march meeting the other people at the middle. Now the hilarious part was that those leading the victory march were women that were carrying their babies. As the two groups met on the plank, the argument continued on why the people from the other side should move back and allow those from my side to pass for a while. Finally,  they moved back but as my people were about to celebrate our victory,  a man rushed from nowhere from the other side onto the plank and asked those on the plank to move back and allow him pass.

When the women refused, he informed them that if they didn’t move back at the end of his count of 3, he was going to push them into the drainage. The man counted to 3 & started pushing the leader(who was carrying a 2month old baby), people started screaming.  Next two touts came and tried to resolve the issue. After listening to both plaintiffs and defendants, they (as the self appointed street judge & jury) gave their judgement: those on the plank from my side of the road should move back (as they were women) and allow the man(one man) to pass. When they refused, one of them asked everyone to get down from the plank as the plank belonged to him.

We all thought he was joking till he started lifting the plank from one end. Our fearless calvary leaders ran back to our side of the road and the man ran back to his side. Then the plank owner tout lifted the plank,  pushed it into the drainage and asked us all to either jump across or jump inside the drainage and ask someone on the other end to help pull you out.

Me?? I did what catwoman Halle Berry would have done.
Go figure! !!

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Hwaiting your own stories.
Ciao
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GLOSSARY
Leggedesbenz: A type of vehicle that utilises one’s two legs as tyres and one’s energy as fuel.