Soo the other day, a friend of mine told me a funny story. It was about a girl who was working for her uncle although her salary wasn’t much, but the uncle had already paid for jamb & waec exams and was ready to finance her university or college of education studies which ever one she was successful at. Funny enough, as students started picking up post-utme forms (call it post-jamb, whatever, but its now written by all schools colleges of education inclusive), the girl started behaving wierdly. She didn’t inform her uncle about the then ongoing applications and her home behaviour changed. Her reason? A guy had promised her marriage and to help her get a better paying job elsewhere. She took up his offer and I guess we all know how the ends………….. longterm grief, disappointment and regrets with a child to cater for.
Also, there’s another story about a girl well educated, working in a good government parastatal and well paid. But she was single and honestly could do better in her career if she moved to another agency. She met a guy, they got serious and soon, marriage talks started. Only they lived in different states and the states were far apart. The guy promised to help her get another in the agency she wanted after the wedding on the condition that she resigns. And the lady resigned, packed her bags and to the man’s house. After some weeks, the man said he would no longer go onwith the wedding plans. He wanted out. And the lady was left with nothing.
These are just two stories out of countless ones. I know a lady who abandoned school after just one year of OND because a rich guy came to marry her. And I wonder if our brain cells require charglng to wake up from death or probably, we need a new kind of brainwashing (not re-orientation). Re-orientation is mild and will take years to clear our ingrained value system and our society is still largely sexist. This is why I believe we need brainwashing.
We need to understand that marriage is not always an escape route from poverty, its not a fairytale and it certainly doesn’t solve all your problems rather it brings more wahala most times. ‘Cos you have to take care of your children plus your husband’s relatives sometimes. And I must say that child rearing is an expensive serious business.
Marriage is not always the exodus of a girl’s troubles rather it could be the genesis
We should stop allowing people to define who we are by our marital status. We should also become wiser and wily in our dealings with men. How can a reasonable human being resign from a good job just because of a promise- “the man never even do the wedding ceremony sef make it remain the job wey im promise u.”
A man can be financially ok today and ask you to give up your education (to later continue in an institution close to your new home) or your job (that what you earn is insignificant like pouring a bucket of water into a river or that a new job would be gottn close to your new home). These are all good reasons but before you resign that job (that is after the marriage must have occurred), think of all the possible outcomes: the man might lose his job tomorrow, he might find a mistress who he would carter for wholly at the expense of his family, he might die, he might marry another wife and divorce you and so on. The scenarios are endless.
In love, in love
U got to act like a woman
And then you think like a man
So as you make your life changing marriage decision, remember that its not all milk and honey and never leave your. But in the words of Jennifer Hudson ‘In love, act like a woman and think like a man’. So you don’t end up on the losing team.