My wahala with proverbs 31: The Virtuous Woman

If you are a lady here in Nigeria,  you must know the qualities of the virtuous woman as she was quite praised in the book of proverbs chapter 31 (10-31). Now though im sure almost everyone knows about prov 31(you need to read the full chapter again hereProv 31 or you might not follow the discussion), I can also surely tell that many of you do not even know the full details of that chapter or have never given it serious thought.

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For those of you who are about to doubt me now, please can someone explain to me why a woman would be praised for awakening before the cock crows to prepare food for her family, mend her children and husband’s clothes, make new clothes for them, tidy the household e.t.c. while her children and husband sleep on blissfully.  Then as the day breaks, she starts her trading career going far and wide to bring in goods to sell and for her household. She even buys a field and plants crops. Then at night, she’s the last to sleep, wait no, her lamp doesn’t go off (so she doesn’t sleep, is she a vampire?).  And all the description we are given of the husband is that he sits at the gate with the elders and he is hailed.

Seriously! !! I get it. The woman is a superman (or should i say superwoman) but is this what we should teach our girlfolks to aim for??? is this what should always be the theme of a church preaching for women gatherings? ?  Is this the bible chapter we truly want to emphasize during marriage courses?? Do we even realize that there’s something wrong with this picture? ?  I don’t know if you get the subtle implications of this message:- the woman is awake before dawn and it doesn’t cross the husband’s mind that his wife is toiling for the family?, I mean this should be inhuman. How can a man who is supposed to be one with his wife go to sleep each day and awake probably after the wife is gone and fail to see anything wrong bwith that picture.  And to crown it all, he has the guts to sit at the gates and be hailed.

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And I understand the other perspective,  the story is about a virtuous woman so there will be an obvious objective to make her a heroine and praise her. And this can be a good thing but the thing is that this picture painted is so scaringly familiar for women in this part of the world and we should remember that the Jewish culture does not recognise women. The women are usually put in the same class as the children. And African society runs almost parallel to that culture. Therefore, although I understand the good thoughts behind that particular bible chapter, I wish we would examine it critically bearing in mind the situations of women in our Nigerian society.

And this is my problem with Prov 31. I don’t care how you wish to explain the chapter, I just feel that it shouldn’t be overly mentioned especially in our society where each day that I hear Prov 31, more than 20 women come to mind with ease who I know are even more virtuous than the woman described and it pains me to see these women suffer through all these bullshit. I know very unhappy married women who are trying each day to be the virtuous woman, juggling work (these days most men want working wives that can contribute to the household finances) with all the household chores (many men still do not help out at home). Parents who  try their possible best to mold their daughters into virtuous women. Women who finish work later than their husbands and still get to make dinner, check the kid’s homework and supervise their night bath ritual. Its depressing. I then started asking myself what our obsession with the virtuous woman really is.

And Eureka!! I made the discovery. We are obsessed with Prov 31 because we are afraid to see women treated equally, we want them to remain second class citizens, …. . The guys are scared of no longer being in control, they are also so selfcentred they wouldn’t want women to stop aspiring to be virtuous because that would mean them actually contributing their quota to household chores like changing their toddler’s diapers or washing their children’s clothes. But do you blame them? Who would spit out sugar that is in their mouth?

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Its up to the ladies,  the day we decide that we are tired of only being the virtuous ones (after all the word ‘virtuous’ is not limited to a certain gender), the day we crusade for virtuous men is the day we will start seeing changes. If not, expect the men to remain at the gates (nay, its joints & bars now) drinking beer, eating isiewu and other bush meat (thank God for Ebola: no more bush meat) while being praised for being exceptional husbands while you are cooking over the fire with three wailing children, two househelps who are more of a headache than a help actually and that saucy relative (probably from your husband’s side) who does nothing but watch African magic while discrediting you at any opportunity to your mother-in-law

Truly yours,
The Aspiring Virtuous Human

Ciao

Will appreciate your comments.  Hwaiting

Project sunday

This post was originally published by kosypep.

‘Somebody shout praise the lord!!! Now if you know you love Jesus, if he has done something good for you this year come out and donate to the church. If your still in your seat then that means the Lord hasn’t blessed your family. If your seating then you don’t love Jesus. Brethren come out of your seats. ( clapping, singing, dancing). Now the next donation is for the friends of Jesus, if he is your friend come out!!! ( more collections, more singing and dancing).And it goes on and on!

Now am sure many people are wondering why am writing this. And asking some of these questions in ur mind.  Is this her first time in a church? Is she a new convert? Etc Well, am not.

Am not here to tell us to stop donating to the church or to stop attending. Am just kinda stating the obvious.Many of us are probably at home with the scenario painted above and we see it as quite normal.

But the question here is how normal should it get?I remember the first time this happened to me. In my second year in school. I sat in the church having exhausted the contents of my wallet already, after about 4 offerings. That day was harvest Sunday, so I was really in the mood of giving to God. I sat there feeling satisfied that I had finally given all I had with a smug smile on my face. Just when I thought the last collection had been made, I heard the man with the microphone shout a very loud praise the Lord and announced that the next offering was for those that have been blessed by the lord and that seating meant you haven’t. I felt so torn. Why didn’t he say that before I emptied my wallet? It  even more humiliating that the collection was done seat by seat, so I ended up being the only one that didn’t stand up. I really felt bad, but on my way home it struck me. That I didn’t give that offering wasn’t cos I wasn’t blessed or that I didn’t love God but simply cos I had no money.   Lets just say that was a mind opener.

In years to come, I learnt that it was simply a ploy to raise more funds.  Nigerian are probably the most religious people in the world. We take it very seriously. But deep down we all know the truth. I guess the Pharisees of the bible will be alarmed at our level of hypocrisy. Twas some months later, when I finally joined the church ushers, that I noticed that the notes dropped in the box were far less than the number of people who stood for the offertory.  Guess we all know what that implied.

I am truly suprised that i haven’t gotten used to project Sundays. It’s been years, but i still marvel every Sunday that it’s held. Why have we lost the true meaning of giving? The Christians remember the story of the widow in the bible and the lesson attached to it. It’s not by how much, but by how well. The clergy practically force the money out of our hands. Trophies are even given in some churches for those that donate the most.  I thought giving was supposed to be done in secret by the way, there is nothing secret about the giving of today. Rich men struggle to out do themselves, it’s now a competition, to see who loves God the most. It is really sad, the way all we preach is materialism.

It’s everywhere, prayers of anointing to make you richer, personal endorsement from the pastors, excetra. People starve to contribute to buying the pastor a new car, when they can’t even afford transport money for keke.  Women outdo themselves to marry young pastors because they are sure of never being hungry again. Young men are springing new churches daily, it’s now all about money money money.

Where is the true sense of worship? I thought Christianity meant being Christ like? Pastors pray for those that give, what about praying more for those who beg on the streets for food. We give to add a golden pillar to the church, what about using the 1 million naira to better the lives of the orphans on the streets. The church is now the main venue for political manifestos, donating and encouraging people to vote for the candidate. Who is fooling who?

The earlier we go back to the drawing board and get things right, the better. Nigerians should understand that money isn’t all that matters and that not having to donate doesn’t mean you love God less. If you have give, if you don’t, no point going stealing just to please your pastor. 

#COPIED

But I will add: If you have; you must not give, there is no place in the bible it says you must contribute at every project sunday and if you don’t have; then feel free not to fret at all, there are many more project sundays in future.

Ciao

Awaiting your thoughts and comments

Favourite quotes by Voltaire: There are Truths which are not for all Men……

IT IS DANGEROUS TO BE RIGHT WHEN THE GOVERNMENT IS WRONG

THERE ARE TRUTHS WHICH ARE NOT FOR ALL MEN, NOR FOR ALL TIMES

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Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.

The most originalminds borrowed from one another. Thus, almost everything is imitation

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MEN WILL ALWAYS BE MAD, AND THOSE WHO THINK THEY CAN CURE THEM ARE THE MADDEST OF THEM ALL.

And this last quote (and picture above) led me to the conclusion that Voltaire must have definitely been a crazed mind or was he just speaking the truths we either do not realise or just fail to acknowledge?

Ciao

Awaiting your thoughts and comments.

Is Russia truly the villain here?

We all might be all be hasty in our decision  to support the view that Russia is surely the villain in the present Ukrainian crisis. After all,  the former president Viktor Yanukovych who is favoured by Russia was ousted during the crisis because he refused to sign the Ukraine-EU deal.

Also, immediately the crisis escalated into somewhat of a  civil war, Russia quickly annexed Crimea acting unilaterally (nevermind that the people voted in  a referendum, of course we cannot fathom that a people can actually freely choose to join tyrant Russia so the votes must have been rigged).

Another evidence is that the Malaysian plane carrying civilians was shot down in the rebel held region of Ukraine by rebels (who are backed financially and militarily by Russia). Although Kiev is backed militarily and financially by the west but thats okay because Ukraine is a sovereign state which may I remind you incase you’ve forgotten used to be a part of sovereign Russia. Now the rebel region of Ukraine wants to do the same thing and we label them rebels because they seem to be in bed with Russia.

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Image of flight MH17 crash site

The issue of who shot down Malaysian flight Mh17 lingers, and we might never find the culprits what with the heavy military assault thats ongoing at the moment.  I’m sure there would be little or no evidence left to decipher and we are going to be left with whatever impression we had of the party  we believe downed the plane of which the media we listen to will have a great influence. Lets try to be conspiracy theorists for a minute: what did the rebels have to gain by shooting down a civilian plane, what if someone else who knew the rebels would be blamed first shot it down, or what if the rebels truly thought it was a Ukraine military plane that was flying quite high? There are so many other plausible scenarios.

Sometimes,  I wonder if we ever take the time to hear the full story, the different versions from the  different  parties involved. Because Ukraine was supposedly fine before the EU association agreement dispute started, now there’s a humanitarian crisis. And the refugees are not fleeing westward into Kiev rather they are crossing the border to Russia. And I feel we are not being told the full story and will never know. Ukraine seems to be the grass thats caught in between two elephant’s fight.

Never be caught in the middle of a fight between two bosses, you would almost always lose.

And that brings me to a very important lesson,  never get caught up in a fight between two bosses in an organisation because you might end up on the losing end no matter who wins. Also, in life there’s no straight dividing line between the bad guy and the good guy, the lines are usually blurred. And we as Africans,  should start figuring ways out of their problems, stop believing that we are the west’s social responsibility,  for if Ukraine which is considered important in world political discussions could be this badly hit, I wonder at our fate dear Africa. I don’t even think we are pawns in the world political game because “pawns” at least are part of the game but we seem not to have realized this yet.

And maybe its time we learnt that the freedom of the press is synonymous to the freedom of the owner of the press to mold the news into a form that best suits it. Big international news networks can be biased only difference is that they don’t make it obvious like their Nigerian counterparts.

Ciao

Girls don’t be stupid!! Marriage is not a way out of your troubles

Soo the other day, a friend of mine told me a funny story. It was about a girl who was working for her uncle although her salary wasn’t much, but the uncle had already paid for jamb & waec exams and was ready to finance her university or college of education studies which ever one she was successful at. Funny enough,  as students started picking up post-utme forms (call it post-jamb, whatever,  but its now written by all schools colleges of education inclusive), the girl started behaving wierdly. She didn’t inform her uncle about the then ongoing applications and her home behaviour changed. Her reason?  A guy had promised her marriage and to help her get a better paying job elsewhere.  She took up his offer and I guess we all know how the ends………….. longterm grief,  disappointment and regrets with a child to cater for.

Also, there’s another story about a girl well educated, working in a good government parastatal and well paid.  But she was single and honestly could do better in her career if she moved to another agency. She met a guy, they got serious and soon, marriage talks started.  Only they lived in different states and the states were far apart. The guy promised to help her get another in the agency she wanted after the wedding on the condition that she resigns. And the lady resigned, packed her bags and to the man’s house. After some weeks, the man said he would no longer go onwith the wedding plans. He wanted out. And the lady was left with nothing.

These are just two stories out of countless ones. I know a lady who abandoned school after just one year of OND because a rich guy came to marry her. And I wonder if our brain cells require charglng to wake up from death or probably,  we need a new kind of brainwashing (not re-orientation). Re-orientation is mild and will take years to clear our ingrained value system and our society is still largely sexist. This is why I believe we need brainwashing.

We need to understand that marriage is not always an escape route from poverty, its not a fairytale and it certainly doesn’t solve all your problems rather it brings more wahala most times. ‘Cos you have to take care of your children plus your husband’s relatives sometimes.  And I must say that child rearing is an expensive serious business.

Marriage is not always the exodus of a girl’s troubles rather it could be the genesis

Chidi onyeagba

We should stop allowing people to define who we are by our marital status. We should also become wiser and wily in our dealings with men. How can a reasonable human being resign from a good job just because of a promise- “the man never even do the wedding ceremony sef make it remain the job wey im promise u.”

A man can be financially ok today and ask you to give up your education (to later continue in an institution close to your new home) or your job (that what you earn is insignificant like pouring a bucket of water into a river or that a new job would be gottn close to your new home). These are all good reasons but before you resign that job (that is after the marriage must have occurred), think of all the possible outcomes: the man might lose his job tomorrow,  he might find a mistress who he would carter for wholly at the expense of his family,  he might die, he might marry another wife and divorce you and so on. The scenarios are endless.

In love, in love
U got to act like a woman
And then you think like a man

                               Jennifer Hudson

So as you make your life changing marriage decision,  remember that its not all milk and honey and never leave your. But in the words of Jennifer Hudson ‘In love, act like a woman and think like a man’.  So you don’t end up on the losing team.

Ciao

we are all crazy, some people just seem crazier than others

My thoughts exactly!!!!!!!!’

kosypep's Blog

download (4)Some months back, I was on the way to the bank to make some transactions for my mother. It was one of those days that I was walking down the very busy bank road with a lot on my mind and grumbling inside on how tired I was and wishing I could snap my fingers and get the errand done with. It didn’t help that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning and felt like I was hit by a truck in my dreams the previous night . It happened so fast. One second I was crossing the road and took note of a mad man coming out of the intersection behind me, and a second later felt a deafening slap on my right cheek and ear. I turned to see if I was imagining it and saw the mad man with his hands raised…

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I don’t employ females…………

So the other day, a friend of mine went job hunting.  Someone directed her to a particular establishment as the person heard there was a vacancy for someone with her qualifications.  Now this my friend is a doctor but female which was a factor she never considered an impediment till she reached the aforementioned hospital.

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Im an equal opportunity employer of labour but if you're female, know that you will never progress to getting your own office unless you become my secretary

She knocked on the director’s office door and there was this excited ‘come in’. Unfortunately, the excitement was shortlived as the man-s face fell as soon as he saw she was female.  Infact, he went on to explain to her that he didn’t believe she was competent enough or that she could handle the stress just by looking at her. Im sure the presence of a bust helped in cementing that belief.Imagine!!!!!!!!

Now I know some of us are getting indignant,  righteously so . The ladies would want to blame the men folk, rightly so.
Come to think of it, men can be so sexist sometimes that they believe women’s brains are somehow inferior. That women cannot handle office/work stress although they wouldn’t think twice about all the family stress which is most times more stressful than office work. A lady who is given a leadership position is always scrutinised with a microscope even her personal life is subject to question.  Her decisions are silently queried and any mistake is latched onto like a life line.

Many times one being female is a hindrance in a job interview cos you have to prove that you can rise above your feminity (if that even makes an iota of sense), that you can be as hard as a man. There is this general silent agreement amongst menfolk that women have “small brains”(allow me to use this term) when it comes to employment and bursting with testosterone is already a quasi pass mark for your perceived future hardwork and positive & financial contributions to an organisation.

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Weren't you informed that Thatcher was my grandmother's 2nd cousin?

Being female and determined to climb the ladder means the lady is willing to put in twice as much work as her male hardworking colleagues if she hopes to be recognised.  She wouldn’t dress so fashionably or she would be seen as unserious while her male colleague’s good dress sense is extolled.

But the blame isn’t only on the men, we, ladies share a good portion of it. Because most times we put our fellow ladies in difficult positions.  When we are given jobs to do, we manufacture excuses and get our male colleagues to finish the job. We expect to be given easy jobs and we make sure we never get difficult tasks.
To work no be by force!!!!!
Flirting with the boss and your colleagues to get you out doing the mundane or difficult jobs or to cover your incompetence is making life difficult for your sisters out there. Cos the next lady to work in that department would be judged by your standards and its frustrating. Believe me

For those ladies who are always happy to oblige in the “we are going over an assignment and its getting late and you are permitted to go on home so that the the other three men in the unit will complete the task” scenarios,  beware!!! Because the same way you are readily excused to go home earlier is the same way you will be excused when the potential managers list is being compiled.

But the guys cause the bulk of the problem. How you keep excusing incompetence on the grounds of gender is perplexing to me. A guy once told me about a lady in his unit who was useless to the unit, it was so bad that the day she fell sick there was no noticeable difference in the daily operations of the unit and he never queried her. His reason?  She was someone’s wife and had a 7 month old baby.

In as much as im mad at the director, im also mad at my friend.  Why didn’t she put up a fight? Why didn’t she try convincing the man that hiring her would have been the best decision he had made in a long time?
Ladies, its time to stop wailing and complaining. Its time to fight cos if you want your rights you must be prepared to fight for them.

if u want peace, prepare for war